My Boy Picture...

So I put up this picture yesterday:

And immediately got dozens upon dozens of comments, likes and shares from my Facebook friends on it… And to be honest I didn’t understand why…

The inspiration behind making the photo was from this video on YouTube:

Where the video creator, Arielle Scarcella (arielleishammin) talks about how she wonders what she would look like as a man, she also talks about how she thinks she would have a small D*CK… but let’s leave that for later.

So this sparked a little thought in my head… Does she along with a majority of her viewers believe that you can only IMAGINE being the other sex but not ACTUALLY be it? I was about to comment something talking about how I feel that her video is a bit Trans non inclusive but I decided to trash that.

Instead, I went looking through my external hard drive to search up my old boy pics from high school and then I found the mother lode! I found a picture of me from the Vancouver 2010 Olympics, where I got to hold a torch, also, that is how I looked and dressed for about a 3 year period,  so that picture was amazing to see once again!

I edited that picture with one of me from maybe a week ago or so, reading “WAS BOY, IS NOW GIRL” yes I admit, not the perfect way to phrase that but it gets the point across…

So I then uploaded it to Facebook anticipating the response, I honestly didn’t realize I did the stereotypical trans thing by making a “before and after” picture, I was honestly going to title it, “didn’t realize as a girl I would look this good,” but immediately after posting the pic everyone started to applaud me on this “amazing” “brave” “courageous” act of mine… 

I didn’t realize that posting pictures of you from before your transition was such a big darn deal! I apparently sparked inspiration in one of my friends (his words, not mine) and he then posted his before and after pictures on tumblr, and then everyone started Liking and Sharing and Commenting and Reblogging my picture on Tumblr, Twitter and Facebook and before I knew it I started getting Facebook and tumblr messages from people I didn’t know saying I am beautiful and gorgeous and amazing!

I seriously had a completely legitimate 15 minutes of fame, all the notifications and messages and comments!! Amazing!

I feel like I might have drifted away from my original meaning for this post but nonetheless I want to kind of talk about how you SHOULDN’T be afraid to be yourself, whether that “self” be in the past or present… Especially when you’re trans, don’t shame your past because you were a boy or girl and didn’t feel like one or want to be one, accept it and embrace it! Some of my greatest memories were from when I was a boy!

I can’t put up with people that do crap like that… I don’t like talking to someone who is Trans and hearing them say, [Trans girl ex.] “Oh my god I hated being a boy, it was the worst thing ever oh my god thank goodness I’m not one anymore…” Because my response would be, “well you still got moobs, you still have a dick, except it’s been flipped, and your face still looks like a boys’…” and not because I’m mean, it’s because that person is probably lying, PROBABLY.

Look, I know that there were a bunch of YEARS as a kid where I was depressed and suicidal and life was throwing me curve balls every day but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have a few good times! Personally, my special trait is that I can pick point a good thing out of every bad situation, it’s also a curse because there’s times when I make the “crudest” of jokes at “inappropriate” times… But the fact is, even though I WAAAS a boy, and even though I was constantly in bad moods because of it doesn’t mean there weren’t times when I was smiling, like when I would do “opera voices” with my step dad, or talk about ways to use the “lean, mean, grilling machine” with my mom, or the times I would joke and play around with my grandma, grandpa, and great grand-uncle!

I had plenty of great times pre transition and I wish that other trans people would see that they shouldn’t be afraid to show who they were. YES, it was super hard to put that picture of me up because I now feel like people won’t look at me as a “girl” anymore, I also feel like people will gossip about me more.

But you know what the truth is?

They will probably stop talking bad about you behind your back or at least they won’t talk about how much you look like a boy, because they’ll be talking about how much you look like a girl now! They will start to notice how you trim your eyebrows to the last hair, how you shade your bronzers to make your cheeks appear thinner, and how you accessorize your outfit to make your hips bigger, or your boobs rounder!  They will stop talking about how self-absorbed you seem and they will start noticing how you are, in reality, trying to keep yourself incognito so people don’t start talking about you [more].

I swear, after putting that picture up, I feel so much more at ease with myself. Not so ashamed, and not so unhappy… I feel great knowing that people find me inspiring, or amazing (and especially attractive!!) and I cannot explain in proper English how I feel so here we go, imma try this in text form now…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There you go, my emotions in text form… Well I guess that’s it for this blog post, I’m currently working on one where I talk about how I have this weird attraction to Trans guys that I still quite don’t understand… Mostly because my two main crushes right now ARE Trans guys, but yeah… one is taken, and one is currently enjoying the single life so I’ll stick to my relationship with my computer… HOT… no seriously though, my computer has been on for a while so it’s pretty hot... Guess I should turn it off now… okay then… BYYYEEEEEE!!  

What Happened To Chivalry In Men... oh wait, theyre all boys.

NOTE: I wrote the following blog post in the early-middle of march but never posted it... I have no idea why... but just a pre-update, the guy i talked about in this stole my iphone 4 and left me forever... so... yeah... i dont like him anymore... 

You know, here’s what I don’t understand about boys, they are always so unpredictable. You never know what they’re going to say, WHEN they’re going to say it and what they’re going to do. I find myself a non-believer in relationships partly due to this fact and partly because of my hormone blockers which make me almost completely asexual (sex-less.)

I do realize that that there is probably someone out there for me but I know that person won’t come for a long time, because there will always be a flaw that I have that will be unattractive. Take for instance the guy I like right now who I kind of sort of dated for a week… I’ve liked him since school started and then then a few weeks ago he told me he liked me and asked me out on Valentine’s Day of all days.

We actually have a lot in common and can make each other laugh and we have a fun time together except for one thing. He is a guy. He naturally needs sex. Now that doesn’t mean he has asked me for sex (he knows I am Trans) but he has mentioned it. I find it interesting that when a guy knows that the girl he is dating was born a boy and can’t have sex, it is the biggest turn off ever.

Like, I understand this concept but “vaginal” sex isn’t the only thing out there… This guy I’m talking about in particular, that was what he told me… he wanted to break up because he knows we can’t have sex… which for me hurts because I know I can never compete with some genetic girl with big tits and a tight  vag. It pisses me the F*** off!

And that’s why I don’t believe in relationships so to speak, I find that there will always be too much competition for me to handle myself… if only modern day guys would understand the concept of sex and that it is not the only thing in a relationship… when I confronted this boy with the question  “do you just want to be in an emotional relationship” he didn’t even know what I meant! I feel like modern media has brainwashed kids into thinking that sex is the most important thing in a relationship, and its not! Not to mention, the sex is always better when the person you’re with you love…

And that is my rant for today… what the hell happened to common decency? What happened to chivalry, and romanticism?  

TRANSGENDER GIRL JAZMINE: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Should i post to here when i have a new video? i kinda don't want to because i kinda feel like in a way im escaping the stresses of the world by writing and posting to here... either way, its good promotion for my... 0 followers :/... okay then. i guess i wont be posting videos to here then...

so this is my newest video on YouTube, its my 'happy new year' celebration video along with promos for my second channel and this blog! yes im totally being honest here, i mostly made this video so i can response it to Blair Fowler (juicystar07) and promote my second channel and this blog! (told you this blog is good so follow!) you know i don't find it comfortable promoting myself so much, either way, ive learned how to do it semi perfectly if i may say so myself ;)

though i do mean it when i say i hope everyone has a happy new year! i truly do! (except read the description, i included people i dont want to have a good new year in it ;)

i really honestly didn't want to make a video at all because i really dont want the year to end! as much as i believe in starting over again with a new year i also believe in fixing the wrong things in my life and not just turning the page to a new year... a lot of shit went down in both 2010 AND 2011... :/

like for instance, in 2010 i came out as GAY and then as a cross-dresser, and then as TRANSGENDER. i also got kicked out from my parents house, received a restraining order from my parents (well to be precise it was from the RCMP but it required me to stay a minimum of 2 blocks away from my and family) i got abused every which way i could in the various group homes and safehouses (yes, every way...) i also had 3 terrible relationships, had my pet tortoise taken away from me and gained 30 pounds :( oh and that was my first year without Christmas... (i would count the year prior but at least that year i was in the same house as my family)

oh great, here comes 2011... i started transitioning as a girl in the beginning of the year. like, FULLY transitioning! i became vegan, met my birth dad and his family. got kicked out of the ministry's care. (so i went homeless with no shelter by the ministry of child and family development) had to live on peoples couches and in peoples spare rooms for the following 3 months, had my 15th birthday as a boy. (i dont think they realize that i was fine with it) became vegan, moved back in with my mom, really started youtubing, gained 5 pounds over the summer (i emotional eat OK?) started school as a girl (first day of school i was the headline gossip article, everyone thought i was a transvestite [uggghhhhhhh]), started hormone blockers!! got my first hundred subscribers! got a job! (which im trying to figure out if i still have), had 2 terrible relationships, had an awesome christmas with my mom (will always remember it, even though there were fights, i will always remember it one of the biggest highlights of 2011... i just wish she would've called me 'jazmine'..... :'( ) and now were here, NOW!

i wish i couldve fixed my wrongs, and i wish that i could've gone father with my life but WHATEVER... i guess... either way it was one hell of a year!

i know that NOONE will read this until... i dont know, i guesstimate tomorrow night or the day after but thats ok! i hope you have a great New Years Eve, and an amazing new year!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

this is my last post of 2011 :'( SEE YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE!

You've Been Jazzed Up!

Jazmine Khan

p.s. this isnt spell checked! sorry for a few grammar mistakes

Procrastination Killed The Khan

  You know, I never really know how to start something, whether it is a video, a script, or a day. I always want it to be so perfect that I end up skipping it altogether. I think that that’s the real reason I procrastinate.

I was brought up always being told to do everything and anything at the bestest of the best it can be. You know what I’m saying? I always got so scared that I wouldn’t do well enough at something… so I would just, NOT do it… until at the last second when I would do a quick job at it.

I look back at elementary school now, and see that it was a giant mess of procrastination mixed in with hormone imbalances, and family drama. However, I loved doing assignments, I remember how the day an assignment was given to me, I would mentally map out exactly what I wanted to do.

Yet I would go home and realize that it was too hard to do, or I thought it was too much work for me, or maybe I just forgot about it altogether because of some stupid mind controlling TV show lineup that I would watch after school. Either way, I would just skip out on doing anything until maybe a day or two before it was due... Now this pattern wasn’t a onetime thing, I did this every single assignment and project in school, grades one through ten. I would leave everything until the last minute. I would Seriously come home from school and watch three to four hours of TV, have an hour long dinner, another hour for a bath, and THEN at like eight or nine tell my parents I have an assignment, and stay up all night (until three or four) doing the project with my parents.

I look back at it all now and praise them for putting up with my crap because I know that no matter what, I would never put up with someone like that… though I was just a child, I really was an irresponsible one and I regret that a lot…

Like this blog for instance, I started it in March 2011, I posted for the first time on April 13th 2011, and then I never posted until now, December 28th 2011. And you know why that it? It’s because I wanted to make a ‘perfect’ second blog post… One that vividly described my life up until that day, so that anyone reading would instantly know my life story…

But no one NEEDS to know everything… like, if someone WANTS me to write about something, or make a video about something, I’d gladly do it, but I always want to leave people question less, by explaining EVERYTHING, and ANYTHING right up front!

You know, that’s how a lot of my romantic relationships get screwed up so quickly, I want to know everything about you right up front. Like those stupid things you did two years ago with your friends when you were half drunk, I WANT to know if you know what the periodic table of elements even is. So I can assess you, so I can mentally figure you out, so that I know there won’t be any pitfalls during whatever relationship it is that we have and decide right then and there whether to keep you or leave you. And that doesn’t even go completely for dating, that goes for any type of relationship with another person. You see I have been hurt and betrayed by people a LOT. So I’ve taught myself to find those diamonds in the dust. Ill rummage through hundreds of people, and if I even find one trait that I don’t like about them, I throw them away. I don’t want to be friends with someone if they will criticize me on one of my traits, whether it’s being vegan, being Muslim, or being Transgender!

I want relationships with people that will last forever, (or at least till I’m out of university and can move.) The thing about me is… Trust is a big thing, and if you don’t trust me and I don’t trust you then we won’t work out… Just like with my school work, I trusted myself to do it, and I WOULD, except I would do it at the very last minute, causing a lot of mayhem and distress among my family and me… I don’t even have a good relationship with myself in that perspective! Not to mention I would always trust that the work would end up being easier than it appeared, and let’s face it, that rarely happens..  :(

So you see? Even though I wanted this post to be about my life, I realize that all I want to do is write about things in my life, I mean, this ain’t no freaking autobiography!

Either way, I hope you won’t kill me for a few spelling mistakes, and a lot of subject jumping, I’m still not that comfortable with writing yet… but I do promise to make at least one blog per week, I really like writing, being able to get my feeling out…


( Shameless advertising ahead: )
And if you want to see me in real life I make video diaries (kinda) on my YouTube channels:
Main channel (edited stuff, comedy and transition related stuff)
http://www.youtube.com/jazminekhan

Second channel (video blogs, video diaries, and random ranty type videos)
http://www.youtube.com/jazminevlogs



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You’ve Been Jazzed Up!
Jazmine Khan

Hey There Welcome To My Blog!

Welcome! (not like you didn't already know that) LOL! might as well get to the basics, my name is Jazmine, i am 14 for the next 12 days, and oh I'm transgendered!!  I'm starting this blog to document my life, from this body of a boy, turning into the girl i wish i could be! stick along with me on my long journey!

Basics:
I live in New Westminster BC, home of the ... i don't know... maybe home of the potheads, that's what Ive heard! ha ha! I'm a fun and outgoing individual who is somewhat lazy (especially when it comes to school) :( but i always seem to be happy-ish in the end...

I'm currently unemployed (literally was supposed to get a call right now to get a job... but didnt get it yet... :c )

Ive kinda had a somewhat hard last year or so, figuring out my identity and who i am, trying to break free of the shell i have been wrapped up in my whole life, and trying to show the world that i am not a coward who lets the world push her down! i would get into this right now but i think that's a story too long for my introduction blog post... so check out my next one and i hope you like!


ALSO, i am a YouTube Vlogger! i have links to my page on my main account page thing...

i hope you read more of my blog posts, watch my videos and support me!

Thanks, World!

Jazmine.

COMMENT!